Ever started seeing someone and as soon as you start getting a LIIIIIITLE bit attached all of a sudden every text is over analyzed and you're filled with anxiety about what you perceive as their sudden uninterest in you? Yeah, me too. I know I'm not alone because this is a conversation I have with every single and dating woman.
When you start getting close to someone, it's only natural to want to hear from them more often and really get to know who they are. When we like someone, we get a whole concotion of "love" hormones. Your threshold for these hormones goes up every time you spend quality time with that person meaning you start needing a bigger "fix". This means that as we start to fall for another person we are slowly getting addicted to them and to help keep anxiety levels down we need regular doses of their particular drug to feel confident in the budding relationship, basically to help keep the withdrawal symptoms away.
So essentially, because we are getting more attached to this person, we think about them more often which makes us suddenly take notice of how long in between texts it has been and makes us over analyze even the simplest reply because we want to be near them and we want them to want to be near us too. I honestly think texting may have ruined dating because it makes us way more available to each other so when we don't get immediate responses we start to perceive that as uninterested.
The reality may be that they never were texting you during the day (because work is a thing haha), but because now that they're on our minds more, we want to be on their minds more too and we subconsciously associate this with an expectation for more texts or communication during the day. The problem with this is that when our new subconscious expectations aren't met, we start to feel anxious about it and start checking for texts more often and reading into the ones we do get with the little anxious monster on our shoulders whispering to us that he's being cold and distant and uninterested.
What happens next is called a self-fulfilling prophecy. We've predicted for ourselves that he's pulling away and so we start to pull away. The result is that instead of getting closer & building trust with each other, we have already closed the door in our hearts to him so he can't hurt us when he does stop texting and asking to hang out. What we don't realize is that we have just made sure that our predictions of the relationship going south come true.
So what can we do? It's so hard to not feel anxious especially when a relationship is new and you find yourself really starting to like the new person. Dating is hard and so when we find someone that makes it feel easy we want to hold on to them. Those feelings are totally fine! But what we don't want to do is let the new relationship anxiety get in the way of building trust and connection. Be patient, and let things happen as they will. If it works out, great! If it doesn't, then know that it is ok. There is someone special out there for you.
When you start feeling anxious about a new relationship, instead of freaking out and over analyzing everything (especially if it’s only been a few weeks), try to take a step back and see the whole thing with a clear head. Make plans with your friends as you normally would and try to keep yourself busy so you aren't always thinking about him. I find that keeping my phone in my bag during the day helps with this a little bit and taking the dog for a walk without the phone helps too. As the relationship progresses and you start really trusting that person, your anxieties should settle down as your hormones balance out.
Do you have any stories about a time when you let your relationship anxiety rule? Tell me about it in the comments below!