No, the guy in this story was not kinky dirty, he was like messy to a whole new level dirty. Remember in F.R.I.E.N.D.S. when Ross dates the "dirty girl"? Yeah, well I recently went on a date with the male equivalent. Never in my life have I ever been in a more filthy home.
For many of us in our early twenties, dating apps have become the norm for meeting potential partners. And those of us using these apps probably have MANY awkward first date stories to share. So, I am introducing a new column where I will share my awkward stories, and you can submit a story to be shared as well. Some of these are just too funny and awkward to keep to yourself.
So now, onto my most recent awkward date.
I recently got back into the world of online dating, and let me tell you, I did not miss that landfill one bit. But that's beside the point. I matched with a pretty cute guy who is a PsyD candidate at one of the Psychology schools in Chicago. Having been an undergrad Psych major myself, I knew we would have a lot to talk about. And I wasn't wrong. Date number one was pretty good as far as first dates can go, but then he invited me to his house for "date number 2" for movie night. I decided to go despite my reservations. I was enjoying chatting with this guy so he's probably pretty normal right?
Oh boy was I wrong. The first thing I noticed about the apartment was that it was dimly lit and smelled faintly of old bong water and dirty socks. The next thing I noticed were the posters covering the walls in his living room. They were neon blacklight posters and the dimly lit house was because all of the bulbs in his light fixtures were blacklight bulbs. *Creeper alert!* He offers to take me on a tour of the apartment and I hesitatingly agree. He shows me the bathroom first. There's no shower curtain, just a clear plastic shower liner which makes it easy to see that this guy keeps a fleshlight in his shower (why wouldn't you put that away?!), and no hand towels or hand soap to speak of. So now I know I'm not letting him touch me as his hands probably aren't clean.
I'm starting to feel the urge to GTFO of there immediately, but suck up my courage and continue on the tour. We go back to the living room where I realize he doesn't even have a couch. Just one lazy boy chair and a couple of folding chairs. How TF are we supposed to watch a movie like this? The carpet is sprinkled with something white that looks like popcorn, and the tv is almost as big as the wall it's kept on. We move into the kitchen where I see his counters are covered in spilled food and dirty dishes, the sink is also full of dirty dishes and a recently used bong is hanging out on his kitchen table.
Finally he shows me his bedroom, and this is where I decide I am not staying in this house for one more minute. The bed is covered in black silk sheets, and his walls are plastered with pictures of the joker and Einstein dressed as the joker, which were almost more disturbing than the fleshlight in the shower tbh. After tripping over some dirty dishes on the floor of his bedroom I decide it's time to leave.
I made up an excuse about forgetting to take my dog out and called an Uber. And I haven't spoken to him since I left his house of horrors. Oh em gee. Boys, if you're going to have a girl over make a small effort to tidy up. Decorations could have maaaaaybe been forgiven if the house had been semi clean. It took three showers for me to feel clean again. *Shudders*
If you have any terrible Tinder dating stories you'd like to share, message me in the comments below! I will post everything anonymously.